All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
