Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
