just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
