If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Farmville is her only friend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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