I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
