I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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