I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
