I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
