How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Less talking, more tequila
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
