Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
