When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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