I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
