my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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