More tranny stories later!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
