Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
