i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
