Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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