girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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