im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
