a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
