I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
