I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
