So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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