bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
MIDGETS
????
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
