The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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