That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
