So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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