I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
