i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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