I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
