been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
