Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
