you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
