I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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