My hair reeks of homosexuality.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
