The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
