I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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