Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
