ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
