Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
