put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
