its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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