I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
