Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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