I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
