Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
