So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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