Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
