I will die if light touches me.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
