I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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