You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
