i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
