yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
